Me duelen los pulmones 
de tanto fumar (te).

Cold March. Strange. My tea gets cold as I write words that make sense but are meaningless.
Water is boiling in the kitchen. I wish I had the wordss and the tales. BLAH.
I cannot write. I have the things I want to say, of that I'm sure for I feel them. They're in my mind, they're in my soul.
Oh, what is this? I'm just writing one word after another. They make sense, but still have zero meaning.

Untitled.

So, is this it? Is this what I want(ed)?
Days go by, as empty as usual. I feel like a robot, I am a machine.  I do not think about my feelings during week days, but once Friday arrives, it all comes undone: This mask I wear washes off and my skin hurts. My eyes load with the pain I didn't process and my mind and thoughts begin to haunt me.
Loneliness can hurt so much. Loneliness is a real thing. So real it makes me do things out of desesperation. But I'd rather not write about them right now.
Where do I go with this life of mine? Am I saling this boat or just going with the tides? I don't even know where I'm standing. ..

Just who I am

I'm girly,
and I'm boyish;
I like my hair long,
only to cut it off and regret it
right afterwards;
I am rude,
but I can be polite,
I'm black and white,
but technicolor as well;
I'm fragile and tough,
I am calm and a hurricane.
I am so many things
that if I had to label myself
I wouldn't know what to say.
Anyway, I do not have to apologise 
for being so ambivalent.
It is just who I am,
and I'm not sorry.

Empty

It is emptiness, baby,
it has made its way back into my soul,
poisoning my spirit,
eating my brains out.

Oh,

it is emptiness, my darling,
how I wish you would have stayed,
but yes, I know, right now I'm deadly,
now that vacancy is here to stay.

Where did my words go to?

I have lost it all
Now I must bring it all back.

Dig in my brain to find the words I said
and put them back where they belong.

Oh,
where did they go?

They were just right here a minute ago,
now they're vanished.
Fog is here,
darkness descends.
Mind is a mess
as it's always been.

Dig down deep.

Now try deeper.


Are they still there?

I swear I hear the echoes,
but I cannot locate the direction their voices are coming from.

Keep digging.
You may find them there.
Keep on digging,
for I no longer can.

Keep on,
k e
      e
        p

                     o
       





                                        n.

Just me and the stars tonight.

Oh, look at the stars.
Look how shining they are,
and oh,
how I wish I wasn't just talking to myself tonight,
But I am.
I am so damn alone this night.
But that's just so typical.

Look at the stars.
They made it big.
They're at the top of everything.
And as I stargaze,
I wonder
how
it might feel,
to be so wonderful
and having no one to really see it.
In the end,
everybody
will have been taken for granted.
At least once.


Look at the stars.
Always there,
but yet forgotten.
Look at me,
well,
nobody's here.
Am I dead yet?

I wish I wan't just talking to myself tonight,
But I am.
I am so damn alone this night.
But that's just so typical.

I have started to forget about me.
I no longer have a reason
for anything.

Oh, If I could just die
tonight,
It'd be fine.

Oh, if I just died
tonight.

Oh, if I just...